(Identifying information has been redacted. But, as near as I can figure, the young woman starts out in her VERY early 20s. Spelling & grammar is as is. And, guess what happened between 1955 and 1956.)
Xxxx Xxxxx came home from Yyyyyy and is living in NY for a few years before he goes back. I saw him a few times but when I realized that he loved me I explained to him gently as I could that I was fond of him but could not be involved with him and was therefore breaking up the relationship so that he would not be hurt any more deeply that necessary. Cause if continued I would just hurt him more later. I did not let him leave till he understood why I did this, and though it was a sad evening I felt better later though.
1954 (3 weeks later):
Friday I will go out with Xxxx Xxxxx. He called Sunday and I am definitely in a mood to be cherished. I don't think I'm yet ready for the relationship I'm looking for and it begins to appear senseless to deny myself pleasant, if incomplete, companionship for now.
1955 (2.5 months later):
I'm slowly disentangling myself from my relationship with Xxxx, for our new relationship seems to be at a standstill, since he doesn't accept my logic for not wanting to continue, I am simply seeing him less and less frequently because I don't want to hurt him, but I do feel that my needs have changed & I am not at all desirous of being dependant on him. I am a person on my own & have finally conquered lonliness & am free to choose my own happiness & to give of myself without fear. I can decide where I want to be & why and not be afraid of other people's reactions. Still, during the time when I wanted to be dominated he fulfilled my needs & as so I feel that I must be fair to him too.
1956 (1.5 years later):
Two weeks from today I'll be married. I'm excited & happy & have no qualms or reservations. I feel that soon I'll be legalizing a relationship, the depth and fulness of which has been actuality for a long time. I'm happy and feel very womanly.
And, finally...1956 (2 weeks later):
Here it is the night before the wedding and I have such mixed feelings. mainly of course I happy, excited, content & impatient but also there is the knowledge that this is the goodby to my childhood, tomorrow I officially become woman & wife and part of a [unreadable word] new focal point of life.
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